I totally did make a promise.

one HEY there they are, right in the middle of the text and making me write this right up the top of the page. I'm going to leave this here because it's funny, and you'll see how it all ties in later on in the post. If you don't read it, you'll never know. (THIS WILL MAKE SENSE, TRUST ME)


So apparently I made a promise to write a blog, a while ago. You know how it is. Well, I didn't, as you can see, but now I AM. Because I always KEEP MY PROMISES SOMETIMES. Hey! Guess what, I had some vanilla/mint choc chip icecream tonight. And you know, it was delicious. Isn't delicious a great word? I use it a lot, I have to say. Far too much, perhaps it's getting lame? I do hate it when people overuse sayings, there's a limit, you can say it so many times per day, and only for so long, then it just becomes annoying. I don't like to be that guy. That guy is a fucker.

You know what I did yesterday? Well, I say "I", but it wasn't just me, you can't exactly do this kind of thing (properly) on your own. Sound saucy? Well it is. I had an awesome chat with friends from uni about old kids tv shows, shows like "Johnson and Friends", "Round the Twist", "Blast off", and the always favourite (taken off because it apparently taught racism and homosexuality) "Noddy". You know how Noddy used to sleep with... what was his name? Plod? Or something, The older guy. Yeap, it's pretty seedy. Also the black policeman guy that was extremely generically black, from what I remember. Hell I don't think I ever actually watched it, but I remember the black guy. Who DOESN'T remember black guys, let's be honest.

You know who I reminded me of today? Hitler. I totally gassed a weaker species in cell biology. Ok so the gas was CO2 to knock them unconcious, and they were fruit flys, and I'm in no way implying the jews were a weaker race. And that Hitler was right in doing what he did. But can you totally see the connection there? I can, and I made remarks about it OFTEN.

THEN I WENT HOME AND CRIED.

Man, I totally had something MEGA AWESOME to say, but then I forgots it all over the joint. Ooh, let me tell you about my weekend, it was crunking (you like that one Jane? I said crunking). I went up to Margaret river with the boys, the boys being Luke, Damien, and Sam (there were more than that, but this was just the car I was in). And it was fucking awesome. We went to, and got drunk at The Brutish's house on the friday night, and had drunk boxing, which I just lost to Joe in, came down the final round. Fuck boxing is tiring, seriously, my arms were so sore the next day, and I only boxed for like 10 minutes. Gooood times. Also some chick threw up in Josh's car. That was hilarious. And then Quinny threw up like, diamonds or something. Something crystalline. Wouldn't have been good if he kept that in! Which is why he went and forced it out on the night, still had some sense in 'im. Also he fucked some asian bitch.

So after we left the Brute-Barn at 8 am. We went over to the Warrens household, where Mr and Mrs Warren worked tirelessly the whole fucking day, and we only helped minimally. I felt so bad about that, but you know how it is? We were all there, and had any one of us gone to help, we would have been told to go and relax, talk to everyone else, don't worry about it, sort of thing. Not to mention, noone wanted to, and we were all so fucked. But that doesn't excuse it, it really doesn't, not by any means. We should have helped, and we did for some of the heavier stuff. NO EXCUSE. And Fred (Tom and Joe's brother (Kate, Tom, Joe, Sophie, and Fred are the Warren kids.)) brought home a shitload of rocky road for the party, which, coincidentally, was for him. It was his 18th, see, and man, that was good rocky road. He works at the margaret river chocolate factory, which - according to rumour - simply melts down cadbury chocolate, and reforms it into their own. Hey, it's good chocolate! And they have free samples! And Luke did a giant burn out on their driveway!

Hey, don't knock it, it was hilarious.

So Fred's party. It was bitchin', and awesome. Probably the best house party I have ever been to, and I've been to a few! Which is to say, not as many as some people, but still quite a few! There was a fire, an awesome dance floor, far, far too much wine, and heaps of rocky road. It would have been almost perfect if that bitch hadn't been such a bitch. But I am a loving god, and I will forgive her, if she but offers me a token of her loyalty. Which is to say, she gives me my goddamn chocolate back. Bitch stole my chocolate! Not to mention snubbed me like 4 times! I won't go into detail about those snubbings, needless to say she was really rude, and then to top it all off, she stole my chocolate from the freezer. Like there wasn't enough there already? You had to go into the freezer and take my Cadbury chocolate with cashew nuts? IT IS A DELICIOUS COMBINATION. I would have most certainly enjoyed it with my Jim beam and coke, had I drunken any of it. I only really opened it for Fred, after someone had stolen two bottles of Jagermeister from him, and I thought he needed more drink, he was far too excitable. Oh wait no, I did have some with coke before that. So, no that's not true, but I didn't have that much, only enough to go in a 600 ml bottle of coke. And then a shot with Fred. It's better than Brandy, at least!

So yeah, it was an awesome party, and I totally made myself an awesome bed out of chairs and blankets. Everyone was impressed. They were all "Simon, you should totally be an engineer!" and I was all "I know! right?" TOTALLY DID.

So I totally had a talk with Jarryd today about awkwardness, because I'm just so outright about these things. We had one of those little moments when you both pause at a door, not sure whether you should go through first and keep it open for them, or open it for them, and go through after. Or just wait for them to make the call! I'm usually a fan of the tried and true opening of the door for them, and then proceeding after. As it's the gentlemenly thing to do. I do sometimes just walk through and then flick it open again for them as I'm going. Because hey, I'm a bastard. Not that doing that is bastardly, someome has to go through first, why shouldn't it be you? Well, you're welcome to go through first, just don't shit in the doorway and then slam my face down into it, pissing on my unconcious form. Then slamming the door into the top of my skull, possibly killing me, if not on the first try, then maybe on the third. Because that's just too far, guys. That is just. Too. Far.

Not to mention I'm an incredible lover.

Fuck, I don't know whether I have to go to the dentist tomorrow or not. On the little appointment card I have it says my next appointment is on the 1(insert backwards 3)/5. Now I know for sure it's on a friday. And I was sure it was tomorrow friday, but considering tomorrow is the 11th, and not the 1(backwards 3)th, I'm not sure. But since it is the 11th tomorrow, that would make next friday the 18th! And a backwards 3 might be considered an 8 possibly if you're into that sort of thing I know some cultures are. However, had I not looked at the card, I would have said it was this friday. But I JUST DON'T KNOW. Maybe I could call them perhaps? Or maybe I could just ride the wave of cool I have going, and not!

Hey, you know what? I should put some pictures up on this joint. AHOY.


So, while those are uploading, which shouldn't take long, considering my hugely disproportioned, bulbous, throbbing, veiny, enormous, and undoubtadly superior to yours, internet. Seriously, 24 mbs! Can you believe that shit? I can't, really, mainly because we're only actually experiencing maybe a 1.5mbs connection, maybe a bit more. Which is to say we aren't getting anywhere fucking near 24mbs. But it's an impressive number to wave around, don't you think? Say, where the fuck are those photos, they should have uploaded by now (you know, considering my amazing internet). And Oh Get fucked, I hadn't clicked that I accepted their terms and agreement shit, and had to upload them all over again. Retarded!

So, about the photos, which should be here aaaaaaany second now. The first - They just uploaded, right up the top of the page, and when they did, that's where my text started appearing, Woooop. OH HOW THE MYSTERY WAS SOLVED. "Why don't you go write a crime novel Simon? Your plot twists are like delicious apples to me" GOOD QUESTION. The answer to which being this! - The first one is Lodge, if you don't already know him. Look at him! Look how happy he is! Know why? Because he just made a cheesburger out of subway foods. Don't look at me like that! I didn't do it! I don't know the secret! The man's a genius, that's all I can say. The second one there is of course, two pocketwatches. One is mine, the other is Jane's. Each of us got one for the other. Can you guess which is which? Does it really matter? They're both pretty awesome. Personally I prefer the one I have now, which is - let's be realistic here - a lot better than the one I got her. The third picture is just awesome.

So, I guess that's all from me. Did you like the way I just wrote this all in about half an hour? I did, what you have there is my thought process, I didn't sit down here to write about anything in particular. No spelling checks, no reading over it, I'm just going to stop typing it, and click publish.

Fucking deadly.